Just wanted to say thank you for all the caring comments on my blog for all the text messages and emails and phone calls.
I just wanted to tell you all that I'm sorry I can't manage to speak about it with out bursting into tears. I'm sorry to my hubby who had plans for us this weekend but had to cancel them because I don't want to see anyone. I'm sorry we grieve in different ways.
I just want to hide under my doona and sleep but every time I wake up it feels worse because I have to remember again this is not a bad dream this is a reality.
Im trying hard to be strong for Jay and MB and others in blog land as I know others have been through the same thing. For those that know me well, Im not comfortable baring my soul or showing my hurt. I've kept it all hidden for over a decade now and pretended for so long that it dosn't matter, Im grateful for what I have. I am blessed for what I have, and normally I am but right now it hurts so bad and not just emotionally but physically I feel sick to my stomach.
I will probably regret writing this post as I hate pity from people. I just want you to all know that this is how I feel right now and I'm not always as tough as I let on. Please give me a couple of days of not being my old self, then I will be back with determination to start again.
I just wanted to tell you all that I'm sorry I can't manage to speak about it with out bursting into tears. I'm sorry to my hubby who had plans for us this weekend but had to cancel them because I don't want to see anyone. I'm sorry we grieve in different ways.
I just want to hide under my doona and sleep but every time I wake up it feels worse because I have to remember again this is not a bad dream this is a reality.
Im trying hard to be strong for Jay and MB and others in blog land as I know others have been through the same thing. For those that know me well, Im not comfortable baring my soul or showing my hurt. I've kept it all hidden for over a decade now and pretended for so long that it dosn't matter, Im grateful for what I have. I am blessed for what I have, and normally I am but right now it hurts so bad and not just emotionally but physically I feel sick to my stomach.
I will probably regret writing this post as I hate pity from people. I just want you to all know that this is how I feel right now and I'm not always as tough as I let on. Please give me a couple of days of not being my old self, then I will be back with determination to start again.
What an amazing woman you are! You have every right to be sad and angry and all those other emotions that race through mind and body. We don't pity you, we do feel your pain though and understand that's this crazy ride we are all on can be so emotionally exhausting it can literally take your breath away. You never forget the pain but I know that one day soon we will be sharing good news! It is going to work out for you!! xxx
ReplyDeleteWe are so sorry to hear your news.I understand some of the feelings you are having. I have spent plenty of time under the doona during this journey. Feeling sick to the stomach has been a regular event, but I just try to look on the positive side for me that this option is available, however hard and heartbreaking the journey gets. I too am not an outwardly emotional person,but writing on my blog has been helpful.I agree, it is never pity, but with concern, understanding and unwavering support that is given during our times of need from our blogland friends. Take time to get over this awful shock, and look towards a positive future.Feel free to message me through the forum for a chat if you need. Best wishes, SJ & B xx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, its not my surrogacy family that I feel the pity from its the people who have never had a miscarriage or struggled to have a baby. I'm feeling better today thanks to the support of all of you. Thanks heaps and every day will get easier, it was just a shock.
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