Yep new acronym Big Fat Shitty Negative x2!!!
Im sure you would have all guessed by now that we didn't get good news friday night. I decided to wait to post as I didn't want Rene to be feeling sad for me and I wanted Stacey and Lee to have their babies and not see my post.
Im so happy for Rene and Stacey and Lee and I wish them all the best.
It's been a tough few days. It's never good news when you get a call on your mobile phone at 10:30pm. Dr Shivani was as warm and empathetic as last time she rang about the miscarriage. You can tell that it's the worst thing about her job. She is an amazing genuinely warm person that is often a rare find in the medical profession.
One surrogate had a reading of less than 4 and the other 22. She said she would retest the 2nd surrogate again Monday but we knew it was not going to happen.
Not sure where to from here. I was numb at first, then angry, now I feel a little lost.
I don't think we can afford another shot. I don't know if it's fair on Mb and Jay for me to try again either. My family and friends also ride this roller coaster with us and like many its been over 10 years on this rollercoaster. Maybe its time to get off????
Im sure you would have all guessed by now that we didn't get good news friday night. I decided to wait to post as I didn't want Rene to be feeling sad for me and I wanted Stacey and Lee to have their babies and not see my post.
Im so happy for Rene and Stacey and Lee and I wish them all the best.
It's been a tough few days. It's never good news when you get a call on your mobile phone at 10:30pm. Dr Shivani was as warm and empathetic as last time she rang about the miscarriage. You can tell that it's the worst thing about her job. She is an amazing genuinely warm person that is often a rare find in the medical profession.
One surrogate had a reading of less than 4 and the other 22. She said she would retest the 2nd surrogate again Monday but we knew it was not going to happen.
Not sure where to from here. I was numb at first, then angry, now I feel a little lost.
I don't think we can afford another shot. I don't know if it's fair on Mb and Jay for me to try again either. My family and friends also ride this roller coaster with us and like many its been over 10 years on this rollercoaster. Maybe its time to get off????
I don't even have the words to express to you how sorry I am to hear this. Please know you can contact me anytime if you want to chat.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for both you and your family. I've personally been through a miscarriage and it's very difficult. We are going to attempt surrogacy in 2013, but we are very scared going through the process
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to read this post. It is a very hard decision knowing what to do next so I hope you are able to work through that.
ReplyDeleteSo very, truly, unbelievably sorry for what you are going through. Hugs,
ReplyDeleteJill and Alex
Those negatives always screw with the mind - no matter how many times you've seen them before. Take some time to grieve, think thru all your options, and then make a decision. Don't make any rash decisions.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you all through the whole weekend and feeling really down about your results. I guess we (your surro family) feel this way because we have all have first hand knowledge of just how bad it feels to get such crappy bad news. The pressure of us as women to perform this baby making process is just huge and every time we get a another negative, or get our period its just another huge blow to our confidence and I also felt a slap in the face - why cant I do this seeming simple thing and get pregnant? I am a woman, this is what I am supposed to be able to do!
ReplyDeleteI dont know if using a donor for eggs is on the cards for you guys but I would like to let you know that once I made the decision to go ahead with this option all the pressure I felt I was under dissapeared. I knew that if it didnt work it was finally, for the first time NOT MY FAULT! What a revelation - I have been amazingly relaxed through our whole surrogacy journey and I am pretty sure I will stay that way. Yes we were lucky to get pregnant first go but when you think about it it makes sense that with our young healty egg donor we were in with a bloody good chance.
Nobody can tell you what your next move should be but I hope you can see that you do have options and that having more babies IS possible. Sending you all my love xxx
I am so sorry Sweetie huge ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to you and your family, sending a virtual hug and know we are all thinking about you guys xx
ReplyDeleteSo very sad to read this. I always believe it is luck of the draw and some of us take a whole lot longer to get their. I can only imagine using 2 surrogates it is even more difficult to comprehend why??? Take care in knowing you are not alone. Sending big hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry honey, make sure you get back on that horse when you are all ready!!!!!!! Don't give up, and you will have little ones before you know it..
ReplyDeleteLove to you
S + P xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
OMG!!I am soo sorry..a negative is a very hard pill to swallow,wish we could just spit it out.These past two weeks,I even had all my fingers and toes crossed for you.BIG HUGS to you and know that you have been a power of strength,humour and support for many of us going through the same journey.We are all here for you and support you no matter what you decide for the future.Please,take time to heal and nurture yourself...keep in touch,HUGS
ReplyDeletekathy
Oh Becs...I am soooo sorry...I just wish I could be there with you...we could drink and cuss together!!! (and cry just a little, I'm sure!) Regroup...chill out...and get a plan...I always feel better when I have a plan...of course, life has it's way of changing our plans sometimes...at least you don't have to make any decisions today...I remember how I felt when we had our negative in June...all the stages of grief as you described above....no one could understand that hasn't been through surrogacy in India...my mom couldn't understand why I was so depressed...people would tell me to be happy with the children I have; just adopt or just forget about it...of course, all that did was piss me off and made me more determined to have a baby through surrogacy in India!! (You know I don't like people telling me what to do!!) You will reach your decision either way and be at peace with it at some point...just not today...so for today, be mad, be sad or just get pissy...after all, tomorrow is another day full of possibilities....xxxxxxxx Rene'
ReplyDeleteDear Bec,i know that no matter what anyone says you will still feel low . i saw this at work and my bb couldnt just type fast enough as to how i felt but thought i better get home to use a proper computer. please know that it is not time to give up and NEVER give up because i believe 2012 is your year. it will be so nice when we all meet up and compare notes.i knoe how much you want this and i pray that the Almighty God hears you to grant you your lovely babies,you know we are always here. HUGS.
ReplyDeleteBec - I am SO sorry to hear this news! I was truly saddened to hear this and hope that whatever next step you decide to take in this journey it brings you great happiness. In the meantime take some time to be mad and have a few margaritas to help you! It was very considerate of you to wait to post this news. Stacey
ReplyDeleteDear Bec so sorry and sad for you. It's so hard and awful when you get a negative. Earlier this year we were in exactly the same position, initial response was that we cannot continue, emotionally or financially but this changed a few days later with renewed rigour to complete our family. You will make the right decision as a family but for now you just need time. The negative result is so painful to bear - it literally breaks your heart - we know.
ReplyDeleteWish I could give you a hug.
Aveyxxx
Thanks Guys & Girls, Hey I'm still alive and thats the main thing. Feel like a zombie though as self pity is exhausting. I still don't know what the heck I'm gonna do. I think my body is telling me enough is enough as I am still not feeling great and I have had allergic reactions, pain and now a pretty bad infection. I think my self cycling days are over. Will keep u all posted. And Kevin, I nearly called this post bullshit. That's how I feel. I know I'm not alone and we have all had our fair share of bullshit!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you guys, every single one of you!!!!
Dear Bec i am so sorry for your news we had the same results a couple of weeks ago... after losing twins at 18 weeks!!so understand alittle of the things you are feeling!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you do get to your dream and i hope we arent that far behind you!!
take care,
lisa x
When we embarked on this journey over two years ago we thought we'd have a baby in the summer of 2010. We got slapped around by a bunch of negatives and two miscarriages and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm sure nothing to how you're feeling now after the drugs and retrieval, but SHITTY was an understatement. I felt like kicking the fertility gods in the nuts (if they were men!...if they were women I would have scratched and pulled their hair!). But ultimately I came out of that state of pissy-ness and we kept trying. As everyone says this is not the time to make decisions, but when it is time, know that surrogacy gives you options. Someone made that comment on our blog years ago and it helped me navigate our next step. You have people thinking about you and cheering you on. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHey just got your comment on our blog. THANK YOU. If you ever want some really silly stupid humor just let all the IFs on these blogs know. I'm sure we could whip up something really funny to lift your spirits. But I"m glad you cracked a smile -- made my day, really. Nuff said. You'll be fine...time heals. And then get back on that horsey! :-) X
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your news. I agree, its a heartbreaking time, but hopefully in a while you will feel stronger and think about your plans. As said before, options can still be available to you to continue this journey if you wish. Thinking of you, SJ & B xx
ReplyDeleteSucks..just sucks. Not sure what your next steps are or when but you will know when the time is right. For now, drink wine...it helps.
ReplyDeleteYes. Don't they say that wine heals all wounds? No? Don't give up yet... you don't have to make any decisions right now.
ReplyDelete(I've been trying to post on here for days but Blogger hasn't let me)!